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2008.07.10 00:26 Relationships

/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve.

2011.06.20 15:32 headShrinker GayYoungOld: gay younger men and older men together.

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2020.11.26 23:29 Glittering_Ad_8365 Black F interested in dating Asian M, any tips about how I should go about it

I'm a 20yr old black female from U.S.A. that has been interested in dating Asian guys since a teen but had no luck. One guy I liked was Filipino but I didn't have the guts to the tell him that I liked him and the other was Malaysian & Singaporean but never gave me an answer, later coming out as gay in college. Both guys were American born and raised. I am not going to lie, I think my preference for Asian guys come from my time days of watching a lot of anime and badminton tournaments. Many of my friends when I tell them this they think I have a fetish but personally I don't think so. I know that there are many types of Asians around the whole U.S.A from the b-boyers, weeks, fobs, soccer players, sneaker heads, nerds, ghetto, pots heads/drug abuser, ravers, kpop/k drama and etc.
I have a personal standard on what type of Asian I would date: 5'5 or taller, looks 5 - 9, likes dancing, sports, exploring, deep conversations, christian, does no drugs (edibles are acceptable), and is an ambivert, etc.
I'm 5'4, looks usually scale 5 - 7, 190lbs, curvy, 38 - 36 - 45 and a college student.
Sometimes I think it's my looks or figure that prevents my from getting a chance but really I don't know I'm friendly and is willing to ask them first instead of waiting a long period of time, but nothing seems to be working.
Any advice?
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2020.11.26 21:21 tallfoxdeer INFP, INTP, INFJ, something else? What am I?

Heyyo, I've tested ISTJ, ISTP, INTP, INFP, and INFJ depending on time and test, would appreciate some guidance! My most recent 16personalities and IDRLabs test give INFP, but the IDRLabs function test gives my highest as Ni then Fe. Before this year I consistently tested as a Thinker.
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself. — I am 20, male, gay, history major, and I live in rural North Carolina.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow? — clinically diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder, and depression. The OCD and depression undoubtedly affects my personality and habits.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it? — My upbringing has been strict, and I'm still not allowed to do just anything for as long as I live in the household. Even though strict moral boundaries are justified with religion, parents have never went to church much, nor read the Bible. The Internet is one place where I've had more freedom, so Twitter is where I express my true feelings and make my true friends. I try not to openly defy my parents on these issues, I have not been a kid that sneaks out or openly rebels, my frustration is voiced through a sour mood.
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not? — I don't have a job, and never have, but I wish to apply to work at a library. I don't want anything that is too wild or loud.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed? — Alone in person would be fine, but if I had to be away from my friends online too, that would be awful. I need people to let out my thoughts and feelings to, and my online friends are better for that than my strict family.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities? — I'm not good at most sports, perhaps better at tennis, badminton, etc. I prefer hiking and nature photography during warm months. I have taken photos of thousands of insects, plants, birds, etc. in my backyard. I consider myself absent-minded and unobservant overall, but when it comes to insects and plants, I notice what no one else pays attention to.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas than you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate? — I am quite curious. Sometimes I'll start wondering something and go right to Wikipedia to satisfy my curiosity. I do have more ideas than I can execute, and these ideas can vary. For example, the other day I rode through my town, and saw the power lines hanging everywhere. Power lines, ever since I was a kid, have bothered me, it seems like something that should be in the past. I began thinking of how much better it could look if only they were put underground. Of course, I don't have the drive to push for this to be done, maybe except for mentioning something on my town's FB page.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be? — I would not enjoy it at all. I have never been a bossy type of guy, and I don't think I'd be very good at it either. I'm extremely indecisive and always worry that others are in the right and I am wrong. If I were a leader, I would be lax.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity? — I’m sufficiently coordinated I would say, except for being absent minded sometimes. I don't trip much, and when I do I don't fall, I quickly recover. I don't enjoy working with my hands. Partly because my hands are pretty sensitive, and I might have mild arthritis. Regardless, I like working with my mind better.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer. — I would consider myself artistic, though art block has prevented me from drawing for months now. What I love most is drawing anthro animals. I was influenced a lot by movies like Robin Hood as a kid, so I love that kind of art and animation. In finer art, I definitely prefer romanticism. I love art where you can feel the emotion of the artist coming through the canvas, such as with that movement. I do not like abstract nor very classical art.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them? — I do not have good thoughts of the past. I don't hold on to good memories as well as some others seem to. Regret is a large issue for me, especially since I've turned 20. I think of how things could have been, I think of people I've lost contact with, and where they could be now, like the girl with dirty blond hair that I was friends with in 2nd grade but one day she stopped coming to church, where I knew her from. I regret being homeschooled, I think I might have missed out on friendships. The present? I don't live in the present very much. I regret the past and think of what could have been, and then I think of what I want the future to be. I do think of the future a lot, I have my idealized image of living with my future boyfriend, I think of meeting all my online friends, etc. But I also have a lot of anxieties about the future. I think about getting old, I think of the afterlife, and how I am unsure of it. That being said, I don't like to plan far ahead for the future, being so indecisive.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so? — if it is physical help, I dislike it, I may react with acting grumpy. If it is emotional help, at least from friends, I'm glad to listen and try to console them and provide solutions for their problems. I do it because I care for them, we all need someone to talk to and express ourselves.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life? — depends on what you mean. I suppose a lack of logical consistency does really bother me, like on Twitter for example, when I feel that people's morals aren't logically applied, but rather more cherry-picked. Not to sound edgy, but sometimes I feel that my own concept of logical consistency doesn't line up with the world's, and this creates a conflict, because I'm not confident enough in what I think to assert my beliefs, yet they are strong enough that they will not be simply overrun. So I keep some of my thoughts internalized to preserve my beliefs but also prevent conflict.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you? — not extremely important I guess. I'm not organized in my approach to get things done, but I can get them done. In school, I always wait till the due date to complete assignments. But when I do, I give it my all, and that's why I have all As at the moment, and I never miss a due date that I know is there. In general however, I'm not very productive, I lay around a lot, pretty lazy, and I don't get much accomplished outside of school unless someone else pushes me to.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that? — only if I feel like they are affecting my life. If it does not affect my life, I don't care at all what they do. But sometimes I can try to control just a bit if I feel like it may interfere with me and my routines.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them? — my biggest hobby is nature photography while hiking. I love learning about the wildlife in my large backyard with woods, and so I spend a couple hours a day walking back there every summer day. It's very calm, and so it gives me a peaceful environment to think to myself and take in nature. I also like gaming, even though I find myself to be very selective in what games I like.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses? — I learn best by reading. I never take notes, as I can't take in info and write it down at the same time for some reason, and I'm a slow writer. I prefer classes that involve logic.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go? — in school projects I am often the only student that gives one about grades, so I inevitably have to take slight initiative. I usually just say "I'll take one part, you take the other, and we can just do our own thing". After that I just improvise. Strategizing in other areas is a strong suit for me. In games for example I can come up with strategies for board games like Battleship and Monopoly, or video games like Fortnite, in ways that other people don't think about.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally? — I want a comfortable life, and I want true love. I don't want a job I hate, I don't want to worry about money, I just want to be focused on my relationships, romantic and platonic. I want to travel with my future boyfriend and go have a lot of unique experiences while doing so. Otherwise, I don't care about money, I don't really aspire for "fancy" stuff or cars, etc.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why? — I have a lot of fears. One fear is death, and what may come after. I also fear being alone, with no friends, no partner, and no family. I fear of losing my mind, my consciousness, to a mental condition that will make me a shell of myself. This was influenced by my grandmother having dementia for about 6 years before her death, and being around her was rough to bear, seeing her condition worsen with every month that passed.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like? — spending time with friends. The highest point I've had this past year was probably the day of my birthday, when I had dozens of my friends on Twitter telling me happy birthday, messaging me and giving me shout outs, drawing things for me. It meant so much to me.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like? — my common lows often originate from my jealousy, my despair and regrets, and times when I can't talk to my friends. If people make fun of me or complain about me, even if strangers, this makes me feel extremely bad.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so? — I'm never just completely out of reality, but in my mind I always have some sort of regret or idealism going on. I do pay attention to my surroundings constantly, though I am not observant so I easily miss things that aren't obvious.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about? — depending on my mood, if I were happy, I would probably start singing to myself. If not, I would probably just be thinking to myself, about what I want in life, about my worries, and regrets.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it? — I may never make an important decision unless I get friends or family to help me make it. And yes, I definitely doubt and change my mind, albeit not as likely if others strongly affirm that I made the right choice.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life? — my own emotions have always been very difficult for me to grasp. Often times I have trouble figuring out what I actually want. For example, this year I found myself upset that my friend got in a relationship. For a couple months, I thought I was jealous of the simple fact that he was able to be in a gay relationship, with his parents approving, unlike how mind would be. But after a few months I then realized that I actually had a crush on him and didn't know it for a while. So yes I take a while to figure out my emotions. Emotions are fairly important to me. I used to keep up a cold facade, and I still do with family, but I find myself feeling better since I've started letting myself express my emotions to my friends, that way we can work things out.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why? — sometimes. It really depends on my mood, and the other person. I only appease them if I think they would get legit upset over me disagreeing. Otherwise, I enjoy playing devil's advocate, and helping them get more open minded. I think everyone could be more understanding of differences in opinion.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why? — I'm not a big rule breaker, but I'm very skeptical of authority. There is a conflict between me not wanting conflict, and me wanting to preserve individualism against the wishes of authority. I only break the rules if I both think the rules are illogical and it will not upset anyone.
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2020.11.26 19:29 Lycrathong1 How do you know when you've fallen in love?

I was 58 and in a longstanding, sexless relationship, and had almost given up on experencing a loving relationship. Then I got a one-line response to my profile on an underwear site (not intended for dating), that a 33-yr old inexperienced guy was looking for casual meetings, no strings and no questions.
We arranged for him to come over, and as I opened the front door my jaw dropped. A tall, slim, good-looking blond Scandinavian guy, 25 years younger than me. We chatted for a while, and discovered that he was a sensitive, intelligent guy with practically zero gay experience, who really wanted to try more.
It wasn't long before we were in the bedroom, and I discovered that he might have been inexperienced but he was a born cock sucker. He was a total bottom - and a power one - and I had a fantastic fuck. We both agreed to meet again, and we had an intense, sensual, sexual relationship for over four years.
This is why I felt we had fallen in love:
  1. I thought about him first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
  2. We were exchanging loads of emails
  3. We had pet names for each other
  4. The sex was out of this world
  5. We both loved long kissing and petting sessions
  6. We enjoyed walking hand-in-hand in the woods
Can you add some more signs?
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2020.11.26 17:28 chickachickaboombo0m Things my parents said that I now realize were so wrong.

These are all the things my mother said to me growing up that I'm only now recognizing were NOT okay. I'm 31.all of these things along with so many other things that were said and behaviours from my parents fractured me. I now deal with an eating disorder, gender dysphoria, anxiety, depression and anger issues. I hate sex. I am repulsed by it after being obsessed with it for years.
Your father isn't circumcised.
She vented to me about how my father was ashamed of her. That he didn't like the way she looked. That he never took her anywhere. I was 8.
I bled when your father and I did it for the first time (had sex). She said this one to me more than once; one of the times being a few weeks for my wedding. That was the only sex education I'd ever recieved.
Where are you going with those stretch marks all over your legs?
Fried eggs! (Talking about my chest)
Your father isn't really Black. (My father is Black. My mother is also Black.)
He's a nigger (referring to a black man who was also a criminal and a child abuser)
Your youngest sister was an accident.
Black people are so crass, so loud. Black parents don't care about their kids.
I have to give an account to the Lord. (Don't make me look bad).
Hugging me too closely and smudging her boobs into mine.
I vividly remember one say she was changing my sister's diaper and she pinched the outer lips of her vagina together and jiggled it and laughed.
I was only 120lbs when I was pregnant with your sister! I actually lost weight! The doctor told me to eat all the junk food I could get my hands on. (This one she said the most, it helped trigger my eating disorder and made me fixated on being 118 pounds. Of course I never reached that goal).
The same thing your son did to me, and it was great. (This was said after my grandpa jokingly and inappropriately asked my husband what he had done to me when I was 8 months pregnant).
She made my sister and I watch films like Schindler's list and Amistad at very young ages. I cried myself to sleep for a week after watching The Elephant Man at 9 years old.
Did he touch you? (Referring to my Dad's stepdad. I didn't want to visit my grandparents but it's because my grandma was verbally abusive toward me. It's almost like my Mom WANTED me to have been touched by hum so then we'd be even more similar).
She told us about how Christians in other countries were brutally murdered and jailed for their faith and that that would one day happen to her and us too
She made me believe that the year 2000 was the end of the world and that we'd have to be drinking water out of the toilet to survive.
She downplayed my questions about thinking I might be gay by saying that no guys wanted to date her either growing up.
Always talking about how good looking my Dad is.
Made me believe that postpartum depression wasn't real. We were watching Brooke Shields talk about it and my Mom made fun of her for it. I never got help after the birth of my first child because of this.
Sensual is a bad word.
When I thought I'd started my period she made me sit in the toilet and spread my legs as far as they would go so she could "inspect". She had to make sure I was actually bleeding? I begged her not to tell my Dad that I'd started my period (which I hadn't). As I walked back to bed, feeling violated, I heard her tell my Dad I'd started my period.
When I asked to go to an art highschool because I loved to draw, she said no because I'd become gay.
After I'd failed a test she yelled at me that her father had raped her repeatedly for years.
She'd my siblings and I that she should be in a mental institution because of all the things her father made her do and that he did to her.
She was visibly upset at my highschool graduation. She sulked and we didn't stay long for refreshments.
She was visibly upset at my wedding.
She didn't visit long when either if my kids were born.
She hasn't wished me happy birthday for the last few years but has sent my husband cards with money in them.
Ever since I told her about my CPTSD diagnosis she has sent me an e-card. Daily. For six months. I feel terribly guilty when I see them every morning. Sometimes I will open them. Sometimes I'll respond. Sometimes I will delete them. I feel sad doing any of those things.
She would moon my siblings and I (pull her pants down to reveal her butt) often.
She would pinch my bottom often even after I'd say for her to stop.
She'd always comment about how comfortable she and her friends were being naked around each other when it was clear that I wasn't comfortable.
Made me feel guilty for experimenting with makeup, dressing differently than she did.
Made me feel guilty for wanting friends. Never had any real, true lasting friendships.
I'll stop there for now.
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2020.11.26 15:51 Yosh1220 Slavemaster: Porn: Part 2

I am not a Christian but this verse describes what i am about to show you perfectly.
Thimoty 6: 9 Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.
In my last post I have talked about the scientific harms of porn in relation to addiction and depression, but porn is so much more and does so much more. I like to call it the gates of hell, once you get hooked into it and dont get out you will end up in a very bad place. In my last post i talked about how it numbs your brain and you have to watch more and harder stuff to feel any pleasure. This is a path that i want to explore further with you in this post.
Now to everyone whos watched porn on here, think about how your taste in porn was at the beggining and how it changed over time, did it get extremer? weirder? more hardcore? Maybe not for you but checking out other subs you can see numerous people saying that the more they watched the more twisted their taste got. Someone commented on the last post Slavemaster porn 1 that i am mistaking cause and action, that the people struggling with it are sick to begin with and thats why they started watching it in the first place. Now that doesnt make any sense because as i told you backed up with scientific evidence that Porn fits into the addiction framework and by watching it all you will sooner or later need to progress in the intensity of the material to get any rush out of it. So the argument that porn is good because it prevents those people from actually living out those fantasies, no its the opposite, most people only start to get twisted by their excessive consumption of porn. Now here is an example of something somewhat extreme, this of course doesnt apply to it but its a case of what can happen, this link shows the search results of user 927 Aol, leaked search historys, Here you can see how it starts out already a bit unnormal but in line and how with time his taste gets weirded and more twisted and finally illegal and deviant.
Now some of you would say you cant make such claims only by checking out nofap subs or one extreme example, show us proof. Of course you have every right to say that and i will happily show you proof. Teens who watch porn are reported to commit more sexual violent acts also knowns as TDV, Teen dating violence.
Violent pornography exposure was associated with all types of TDV, though patterns differed by gender. Boys exposed to violent pornography were 2-3 times more likely to report sexual TDV perpetration and victimization and physical TDV victimization, while girls exposed to violent pornography were over 1.5 times more likely to be perpetrate threatening TDV compared to their non-exposed counterparts.
It also makes you more accepting towards rape myths and sexual deviancy in general, less sensitive and twists your brain into accepting sick things, like rape fantasies and violent sexual accts, as shown in the following studies.
A positive d indicates exposure to pornography had negative outcomes, while a negative d indicates positive consequences in relation to sexual deviancy, sexual perpetration, intimate relationships, and rape myth outcomes. As can be noted, no negative d's emerged in the current meta-analysis, thereby indicating the consistent negative effect of exposure to pornography in each of these four areas.
Here it shows how even rape gets subcouncisly accepted.
The present study was conducted to learn more about the association between fraternity membership and attitudes and behaviors associated with sexual aggression against women. A male experimenter took digital pictures of all of the images of women displayed in the rooms of 30 fraternity men and 30 non-fraternity men on a residential, small, liberal arts college campus. The men also filled out a rape myth acceptance scale. A total of 91 images were found in the form of posters, “pin-ups,” advertisements, or computer screen savers. It was found that fraternity men had significantly more images of women displayed in their rooms and that the images were rated significantly more degrading than those in the rooms of non-fraternity men. Fraternity men were found to have significantly higher scores on a rape supportive attitude scale (RSA). RSA scores were positively related to the amount of degradation in the images found in men's rooms. The possible purposes and consequences of the display of degrading sexual images are discussed.
Now we can go a step further and see that the most common thing amongst serial killers is porn. Now almost every one of those murderes says that porn had a massive effect into lowering their guilt and hesitation in commiting the horrible acts they did. They dont have a reason to lie about this and even if, these people dont really knew each other but everyone of them said the same thing about pornography.
There is also a video of Ted Bundy talking about how porn affected him. https://youtu.be/tfwJeHtrWNI
Okay so then there is one big counter argument: Sexual crimes actually decreased. But here is the catch, the less it got the thighter security and tracking technology got. Saying that porn prevents crimes from happening is ignorant considering the evidence i provided, the only reason why these crimes decreased is because its harder to commit them without getting catched.
The term teen has been on top lists in pornography searchings and if you think about the actual meaning of this its sickeing. People get aroused by the thought of a barely legal person being sexually displayed and who knows where it goes from on there.
But this begs the question again: Why all of this? Why would anyone want this to happen? If i had the answers I would tell you but i am trying to figure out the truth aswell.
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2020.11.26 15:04 marigoldilocks_ Is there a latelatebloomerlesbians sub?

I got divorced from a 14 year long marriage in Dec of 2017 at 38. Partially because I figured out I also like women.
I had never had the opportunity to explore that side of myself and there were other things wrong with the marriage besides - he was an abusive, narcissistic asshole, specifically. Anyway, it’s taken the better part of three years just to get my shit together enough to be semi-functional as a human.
But here’s the thing - I’m 41. I don’t relate AT ALL to all the late bloomer posts from the Gen Z crowd. Sorry, but if you’re in your early to mid twenties, you have so. many. opportunities. around you. You live in a practical dearth of beautiful women to date.
I... don’t.
What about Online Dating (OLD) yeah. That’s gotten me stood up no less than three times, once that left me crying on New Years Eve alone downtown because I thought I was strong enough to just go hang out and maybe I could flirt with women and NOPE. Spent three hours alone, talking to randos who all had groups of friends they were with and finally broke into at midnight.
Okay, well pre-Covid did I go out to gay bars? Yes. I did. And I’m REALLY good at attracting the bi boys. Sorry friendo, but right now, I would like to kiss a lady. And our gay bars are gay clubs - you go to dance.
So back to OLD. Right. Okay, so my age range is what? 46 - 36? Too much older and it gets weird because my sister is ten years older then me and I was the “safety net” that just assigned to her to keep her out trouble. So going much beyond 5 years up makes me feel like I’m just hanging with my sister’s friends. Too much younger than 36 and I start to run into the opposite issue.
Maybe I want that 20-something experience? That fun meet up, going out together, making plans, dating someone. But people my age have dated. They don’t want to date around, they all seem to want to find their person and settle down. I’m not interested in settling down. I just got rid of that life. I don’t want the house and the mortgage and picket fence.
And I don’t know. Maybe it’s the whole misery loves company adage but I sort of feel bitter and resentful seeing these late bloomers who have so many options and so much life left and I sort of feel like by the time I bloomed, the sun was gone and the gardener is busy watering other beds and I just want to find another flower but I’m all alone over here. I’m alone and there’s nothing but dried, and dying leaves on my branch. And maybe I’ll wither and just drop my petals and no one will know or care.
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2020.11.26 14:14 OldmanRevived I saw five movies (Hillbilly Elegy, Let Him Go, Buddy Games, Happiest Season, Uncle Frank)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
First up was Hillbilly Elegy
When it was published in 2016, J.D. Vance's memoir "Hillbilly Elegy," unread by me, was slammed by many for indulging in the same hackneyed stereotypes about rural America that it was theoretically designed to deflate, and for reducing the impact of social, political and economic factors in order to favor a more inspirational narrative of triumphing. In this story, a young man, attending Yale Law School, returns to his hometown in Ohio to help his mother, who recently overdosed on heroin. While that story plays, the man's past, as well as flashes from a more distant past, reveals itself, showing us what it was like for him as a child, living amidst economic uncertainty and various unaddressed conflicts within his family.
Indeed, there are at least a few broader stories in the background of Vance's personal account. One of them is what happened to the family's native spot in the Appalachia region of Kentucky, once prospering with the jobs and industry of a local steel mill but later, by the time he is aware of it, filled with boarded-up storefronts, as people linger on streets, sidewalks, and parking lots with nothing to do. This juxtaposes the family's return home with their initial migration to Ohio. The mill was running back then, when J.D.'s grandparents packed up the car and moved.
The other broader tale belongs to the family, beyond adult J.D. (Gabriel Basso) and his younger self (played by Owen Asztalos). In the present, J.D. is looking for an internship at a law firm that will keep him close to his girlfriend Usha (Freida Pinto). While dining with prospective law partners, he receives a call from his sister Lindsay (Haley Bennett), who inform him that their mother Bev (Amy Adams) overdosed. He returns home and tries to arrange a place for Bev in a rehab facility, all while he has a job interview the next morning.
In the past, J.D. had to deal with the mercurial moods of his mother, while seeking support and attention from his grandmother, affectionately called Mamaw (Glenn Close). We see the start and decline of Bev's addiction; she's a parasite, an addict, a narcissist, and a desperate user of others, notably her own family. J.D. foots the bill for a week-long stay on four credit cards, only to learn that Bev has no interest in going into rehab. As a former nurse who trashed her career when she roller-skated through the corridors of a hospital after popping pills, she's been shooting heroin, and she seems to be going down fast.
How did J.D. go all the way from Middletown to Yale? We're not entirely sure, though we know that he got there, so there’s not much suspense about whether he figured out how to transcend his past. The film keeps flashing back to his days as a teenager in the late 1990s. J.D., it's suggested, gets lost because his mother flees from one man to the next. When she marries on a whim, he winds up with a druggie delinquent stepbrother. A scene or two later, he has fallen into delinquency himself, a transformation that is less than convincing.
The movie's tone, guided by J.D.'s narration, veers between romanticizing certain elements of this downhome culture, a scolding attitude toward certain issues and a dismissive outlook on others, and just wallowing in the abject misery of this place and these people. It's all over the place, really, although there's one position upon which the movie never genuinely stops: compassion. Director Ron Howard works in the tradition of Colorful People who relentlessly inflict their colorfulness on us as if we could not see in the first six minutes that they were afflicted.
Give some credit to Glenn Close, who spends most of the movie with a cigarette in her mouth, wisecracking to everything that stands in her way. She acts as a person who is tired of being colorful, and even more tired of having a colorful family. What's best about the movie are the actors' human qualities. Amy Adams has a direct, blunt honesty that is appealing, and it's put to a good effect here. Both Asztalos and Basso have a dry way of sardonically holding their distance, but there you have the role of most narrators, anyway.
If I spent a lot of time performing a census of the cast, it is because the movie seems to rotate among its characters as if taking inventory. Nothing happens in "Hillbilly Elegy" that I cared much about. The movie leaves me with such vivid memories of its times and places, its feelings and weathers, and yet leaves me so completely indifferent to its plot. It presents the cycles of addiction and abuse, not with any insight or thoughtfulness, but with a sense of inescapable fate. From this perspective, these characters are essentially condemned to these lives for reasons beyond the movie's ability or willingness to confront.
"Hillbilly Elegy" hinges on Mamaw's hope that she'll leave her family better off than she found them, and it’s clear that J.D.'s story has fulfilled that wish almost as soon as this movie starts. But the process of watching him cut his losses and recommit to his own success is rendered in a way that just isn't dramatically satisfying. Everyone else's lives and problems really don't matter to this story, except that they give J.D. a few lessons to learn and a whole lot to run from. This is a movie that's surprisingly good in areas where it doesn't need to be good at all, and pretty awful in areas where it has to succeed.

Next up was Let Him Go
The opening images of "Let Him Go" include Kevin Costner standing behind a fence and watching as a horse jogs around in the pasture. He spends a lot of time standing alone, doing nothing, maybe thinking nothing, observing as if it is a task that provides him with purpose. He's not bitter or depressed or anything of the sort. He's simply content. This is just another relaxing start to his day.
George (Costner) and Margaret (Diane Lane) have been married for decades. Living on a ranch in Montana, the two are finally and completely happy when we first meet them. Their house evokes the healing serenity of wide-open spaces, overlooking fields that are perfect for horseback riding. They have an adult son, James (Ryan Bruce), who has married and given the two their first grandchild. All of them live under the same roof. When George and Margaret are sitting at the table eating breakfast, they look so comfortable with each other that they make us feel cozy.
Suddenly, tragedy strikes when James dies in an accident, and their insular, peaceful world is understandably shattered. A few years later, his wife Lorna (Kayli Carter) marries Donnie Weboy (Will Brittain), but it’s obvious from their dour ceremony that this is a union of necessity. While in town one day, Margaret sees Donnie abuse Lorna, as well as her grandson Jimmy. She tells George, and they go to the apartment where Lorna and Donnie live, hoping to take custody of the boy. Instead, they find that Donnie has abruptly packed them up and moved to parts unknown.
Margaret refuses to accept the situation, planning a road trip across state lines to retrieve Jimmy and raise him. George is reluctant, but she eventually convinces him. After packing his suitcase, George wanders out of the room without it. Margaret thinks he has changed his mind, but he explains he's just turning off the water. "I'm not coming home to busted pipes," he says. They pack up the station wagon for a road trip to begin the process of tracking down Donnie. She even packs George's old service revolver, just in case.
They travel from Montana to North Dakota, making a few stops along the way for information or to rest. George's connections as a retired lawman, vaguely famous in the region, help. They meet Peter, played by Booboo Stewart, a young Native American man living off a stolen horse, but not looking for any loot to steal. George and Margaret reminisce and occasionally bicker, but the two mostly share comfortable silences that say everything.
On a plot level, that ramps up the tension as George and Margaret encounter various members of Donnie's family (Jeffrey Donovan plays a false-smiling uncle, and Lesley Manville shows up as the tough, authoritative matriarch), leading to an unstoppable series of threats and violence. There’s a third act that's so wildly out of left field, it could have shifted the tone completely. But somehow, it works, because the movie never made me lose interest in its central characters. There's still a reticence, an unwillingness to push the violence beyond where it wants to go
Faithful readers will know that I have a certain fondness for movies with villains who are so despicable and repugnant that we cheer when we see something horrible happen to them. "Let Him Go" does not disappoint in this regard, although it does cost us something extra in the process. I still have yet to decide if the movie's ending is a particularly good one. As silly as it sounds, I really came to enjoy the company of George and Margaret, and I couldn't bear to see anything nasty happen to such good people. Oh well. Maybe it's another example of how sometimes we just have to face reality.
Many of the reviews of the film have criticized it on the basis of its plot and its tonal shift. I like it because of the time I got to spend with the characters as they dealt with family matters over a period of days. It was intrinsically interesting, not because of what it was about, but simply because of what it was. I think perhaps "Let Him Go" is gently trying to be a movie about imperfect but interesting people, the goodness of whose souls is tested by a private crisis. No great lessons are learned, no great statements made, but by the end of the film we have spent some interesting time with these people, and know them better.

Next up was Buddy Games
Although I am aware sperm is a precious bodily fluid, I don't find it an especially funny one. In "Buddy Games," the male characters are neurotic about three subjects: the size, experience, and health of their reproductive organs. This movie is like a study of de-evolution and man's ability to cheat natural selection. It's full of material that would be rejected from most third-grade recess periods for lacking wit and dignity.
Josh Duhamel, an actor who projects likability, makes his directorial debut with this comedy, which he also co-wrote and stars in. Looking at the film's press notes, he informs us that he always wanted to direct, and that writing a screenplay seemed like the natural way to start. He was close. Writing a bad screenplay is a natural way to start. There's no excuse in making the decision to film it. What he has made is yet another hymn to arrested male adolescence that should be mandatory viewing in convents to prevent nuns from thinking of renouncing their vows of celibacy.
Duhamel plays Bob, a successful businessman who has created the Buddy Games, an annual competition in which him and his friends strive to beat each other in a variety of contests. Indulging their "primal need to dominate," the guys usually aim for a lame trophy and, more importantly, bragging rights. The other members are Durfy (Dax Shepard), Doc (Kevin Dillon), Bender (Nick Swardson), Zane (James Roday). At the beginning of the movie, Sheldon (Dan Bakkedahl), the most avid competitor, is having a glorious time, until someone shoots him in the testicles with a paint gun.
Cut to five years later: Sheldon has been in a funk ever since, having lost both precious orbs of manhood. Bob, meanwhile, has a beautiful girlfriend (Olivia Munn), and he's also quite rich, which enables him to restart the Buddy Games at the behest of Sheldon's mother, who thinks it's the only way to lift her son out of his suicidal depression. When the other members prove reluctant to go along, Bob throws in a $150,000 prize as an enticement.
But Sheldon will only come back if Bender, the guy who shot him, will be excluded. To dissuade Bender from joining in, Bob tells him that there's a substantial entry fee. To his surprise, Bender successfully raises money by prostituting himself and selling vodka in his mini-van. Eventually, the group reunites for a new round of games, which include such not so hilarious exercises as attaching steaks to their heads and confronting a giant lizard. The most extended segment involves the men ingesting laxatives at a crowded bar and trying to persuade women to buy them a drink before the drugs take effect. It's no spoiler to reveal that not all of them succeed.
These guys seem to have it out for each other. Sure, a couple of them talk about how the game has kept them together all these years, long after one would imagine childhood friends would go their separate ways. To what end does it keep them together, though? The movie wants us to simultaneously view these characters as representations of middle-aged vulnerability and sometimes as literal punching bags, constantly to be beaten, smashed, and pulverized. There's something wrong with these people, and the simple fact of the matter is that watching them satisfy their masochistic tendencies isn't fun or funny.
There is a kind of one-upmanship now at work in Hollywood, inspired by the success of several gross-out comedies, to elevate smut into an art form. This is not an entirely futile endeavor; it can be done, and when it is done well, it can be funny. There's a scene in this movie where Bender also tries to appease his guilt by offering Sheldon a refrigerated humidor full of his own semen. Later, when Sheldon is in the kitchen making Pina Coladas, he grabs the semen and mixes it in. Yuck. Millions of little soldiers being massacred for a laugh.
For a fleeting moment, the film stops trying to break the Guinness Book record for offensive crudity and decides to simply be funny. The best part of "Buddy Games," and really the best part of any bad movie, is Olivia Munn. When Bob tells her about his plan to start the games again, she doesn't waste any time ditching him. Then, at the end, she rushes over to Bob in hopes that the games are finally over and they can start a life together. She pulls out the little black box, and shows him a ring. What does he do? He rejects it. At this point, it was clear that none of the idiots in "Buddy Games" are worth saving. I don't know about you, but if Olivia Munn walked up to me and handed over an engagement ring, I would take my chances.

Next up was Happiest Season
There is an emerging genre of movies about family reunions at holiday time. It seems to be a truth universally acknowledged that most reunions at Christmas end happily, while most reunions at Thanksgiving end sadly. That's odd, because the way things shake down in the world of fragmented families, we tend to spend Thanksgiving with those we choose, and Christmas with those we must. If those two lists are identical in your life, your holidays must all be joyous, or all not.
Perhaps what drives audiences to films like "Happiest Season" is that certain sense of empathy. The people onscreen may or may not look like us, but we can find some relatability and understanding in their comic foibles and tragic events. The simplest situations conceal hidden traps, and by the time the story arrives at its more serious point, we fully buy into it, because these characters have so endeared themselves to us through the comedy. It's funny in an innocent screwball kind of way.
The basic setup involves Abby (Kristen Stewart) and Harper (Mackenzie Davis), who have been dating for about a year as Christmas approaches. Abby isn't into the holiday season. Her parents, who really were into it, died when she was 19, as Harper loves to point out in expository dialogue. Being a fan of the season, she wants the woman she loves to have that sensation of Christmas joy again. So, she drunkenly invites Abby home for Christmas to meet her family. Regretting the move in the cold light of day, she waits until the car ride to reveal that she isn't actually out to her family.
Harper asks Abby to keep their relationship a secret while they're at the house, with the promise that she'll finally be honest with her family once the holidays are finished. Abby agrees, although it certainly ruins her plans to propose to Harper on Christmas morning. She meets Harper's parents Tipper (Mary Steenburgen), who's more than a bit of a controlling presence in the house, and Ted (Victor Garber), a local city council member who's running for mayor on a platform of some pretty conservative platitudes. Harper's older sister is Jane (Mary Holland), an odd one who always seems to be vying for attention. The eldest sibling is Sloane (Alison Brie), formerly a successful lawyer who quit to raise her children and make custom gift baskets.
From there, the film becomes a full-on farce, complete with eccentric characters, plenty of misunderstandings, and even some close-call gags involving doors and bedroom escapades. It's everything we expect from such material. Most of the action takes place in the house, and whatever happens will have to happen before everybody heads back to the airport. That creates an artificial deadline that makes everything seem more urgent and requires that the truth be told or love declared right here and now, or not at all.
The film is warm-hearted, funny, and involving. Stewart and Davis are well-cast. But it's not completely successful; I have an idea that writer-director Clea DuVall didn't know how to end it, and so she orchestrates a final scene at a gas station that owes more to screwball comedy than to the truth of the story. Some of the characters are broader than the material requires, but one of them, Abby's gay friend John (Dan Levy), is a wonderful comic creation, and there are some scenes of him just answering the phone that are inexplicably hilarious.
Look, a great movie this is not. A pleasant holiday entertainment it is. The generosity of the film is in how DuVall presents these characters without judgment and with considerable sympathy. Harper is in love with Abby; that's not in doubt. But she is slow to understand the depth and complexity of Abby's fabrications. She's sweet, and naive, but not the brightest bulb on the tree. What defines her for the family is not the fact that she's gay, but her own concealed romanticism. By the end, we understand that although life may not give us too much, it often gives enough.

And the last one was Uncle Frank
"Uncle Frank" presents material that cries out to be handled with quiet empathy and hammers us with it. I understand what the film is trying to do, but not why it does it with such crude melodrama. The tone is all wrong for a story of homosexuality; the conclusion of which is not necessarily false, but it does feel a bit dishonest in its simplicity. When you lay it on too thick, the audience is distracted by implausibility rather than identifying with the characters.
The movie begins in 1969 with 14 year old Beth (Sophia Lillis) dreaming of someday escaping the backwater South Carolina town where she lives with her family and seeing the world. She is encouraged in this by her Uncle Frank (Paul Bettany), who did just that; he now teaches at NYU. Frank's rare returns home are marked by the obvious coldness that his father (Stephen Root) demonstrates towards him for absolutely no evident reason. Four years later, driven by Frank's encouragement, Beth is now attending NYU, and it takes only one surprise appearance at a party at Frank's apartment to discover that he is gay and living with his lover of ten years.
Wally (Peter Macdissi) is Frank's committed partner. Just as Beth is figuring out how to react to this information, the phone rings in Frank's apartment. Daddy Mac has died. It's time for Beth, Frank, and Wally to take a road trip, back to South Carolina for the funeral. That's when the perspective changes to Frank, whose cheerful mood drops upon realizing he has to return home and further declines when Beth starts asking about his romantic past. Through flashbacks, we see what has long haunted the uncle, as a teenaged Frank (played by Cole Doman) experiences his first relationship with a young man.
As you might guess, it ended tragically, and as the memories form more clearly, we understand why Mac's death, which Frank confesses to imagining so often, has brought up not relief, but only so much hidden pain. Frank wallows in self-pity and, upon arriving in his hometown, travel-sized bottles of booze. Bettany plays Frank's overt charms and silent despair with equal degrees of effectiveness, although his internalized performance is let down by director Alan Ball in the third act, when the character lets out all of that built-up pressure in drunken arguments and tearful confessionals.
The movie denies Frank of his big moment for a confirmation of Mac's deplorable nature. Instead, we're given an informative glance at the dynamics and conflicts within the extended family. Mac's wife Mammaw (Margo Martindale) is sweet and kind. Beth's father Mike (Steve Zahn) is verbally abusive toward his wife Kitty (Judy Greer) and anyone whose behavior seems out of line. The sister, Neva (Jane McNeill) is mostly quiet, which becomes odd later, when she becomes a vital figure in Frank's constant debate between keeping his secret and finally being honest with his family.
As for Frank, he stays out of the way, quietly reading on the porch as he lights up cigarettes. Lillis' promise as a young actor continues, but Beth is something of a stock audience stand-in device. Either Frank has been incredibly subtle over the years, or she can't see anything in front of her if it's more than an inch away. "I've never met a gay person before," says Beth. Oh, but she has. Frank also points out that the choir director at the First Baptist Church was also a homosexual. "But he’s so religious!" she exclaims.
"Uncle Frank" is a film that starts with promise; I liked the early dynamic between Lillis and Bettany. But it succumbs to so many clichés that anything remotely genuine gets smothered. It's a deeply frustrating movie as Ball has assembled a cast who can undeniably do deep work and then gives nothing but a shallow script. He seems merely thrashing about in a plot too transgressive for his skills. The movie looks upon his process with such skepticism that the movie doesn't even bother an attempt to explain it.
The story becomes less about the man's attempt to come to terms with those feelings and more about waiting to see what will happen. Each of the family members have at least one scene in which they can be honest with Frank, and the movie's final scene, in which they finally say what has needed to be said for a long time, is quite affecting. It's far too long of a wait for such specificity, though. "Uncle Frank" operates primarily as a message movie, and as necessary as that message might be, the movie's lack of a unique and personal approach to the material means that it's not a necessary part of the conversation.
submitted by OldmanRevived to MLPLounge [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 13:15 iwannaglowup my usually homophobic mother was nice to me today?

TW: homophobia , emotional abuse
So I need advice....
Some backstory, my mum has made it clear since I was young I had to be a certain way. (straight lol). She was so paranoid about it I remember when I was like 8 and wanted a bike with rainbows on it and she told me I couldn't have it because "people would think I'm gay", yes, she said that to an 8 year old who just wanted a bike with rainbows and unicorns. She is always trying to set me on dates with random young guys from her work and pressures me all the time about getting a boyfriend even though I said I'm not interested. It was my 21st birthday this year and she even got me a BABY CRADLE because she wants me to get married to a man and have kids so bad. Actually shes said to me "you should just bring a man home, get pregnant and give me the baby you don't even have to stay with him" MULTIPLE TIMES.. I'm her only child so I'm her only hope I guess? I am not "out" to her obviously....I've never felt comfortable with coming out or telling her anything about my life since I've heard her say nothing but hatred towards LGBT and she has said before I'm "not allowed". (It didn't stop me tho lolllll guess who grew up to be a lesbian in the happiest relationship of her life rn. A relationship kept secret from her atm for safety reasons till I move out..)
However, today was... Weird... We don't have the best relationship as you can tell, she's a a narcissist and a control freak. I am thankfully getting therapy over my childhood and I've never felt close to her for more reasons then this. However, for some weird reason I still feel this urge to rekindle the bond with her because I want to have a mother figure in my life. I've never had one, she was gone for half my life because she left and came back when I was 18.... She blamed me for ruining her youth bc she had me in her 20s and she needed "freedom" so thats why she abandoned me. Idk.
Now with all that back story out of the way, she invited me out to brunch today. I don't know why I said yes, but I guess I'm desperate to rekindle that bond with her. I'm stupid I know.
From the whole time I was at this cafe with her the whole conversation topic was about lesbians, but not in the way you would think..? It was so weird. She kept bringing them up and staring at me like a hawk. As if she was trying to read all my body language with piercing eyes. She was saying things like, "You know, my boss is a lesbian" and I was like ok???? Then went on to say "I love gay people, they have fun parties." I was confused, but said ok.
She brought up my horribly homophobic grandmother too (even worse then mum) and said "you know grandma is more accepting of the gays now." and she gave me like this weird creepy smile. I know I have trust issues but everything about today gave me weird vibes. I mean, my mums the CEO of homophobia (lol) who was telling me a few months ago "I wasn't allowed to be gay" and now all of a sudden shes telling me all these weird facts about how she supports lesbians all of a sudden. It wasn't and interrogation, but hell it sure felt like one. I don't know what she's up to. Is it wrong of me to not trust her? I mean my whole life shes lied to me, gaslit me and put me down, why now is she starting to randomly say she supports lgbt??? I'm so terrified I accidentally came out to her with my body language because when she was talking about this stuff and starring at me I was stuttering and not looking her in the eyes. I felt guilty for who I was which I only feel when I'm around her, I love being gay, but when I'm around her I feel so uncomfortable to be myself. I'm so scared of her finding out and it sucks for my gf bc I dont want her to think she's some big secret bc I cant tell my mum about us.
Do you think I'm being paranoid about my mum and shes changed her ways? Is its safe for me to come out or should I keep my guard up? I mean just last year my step sis (shes gay too) had some pics on her private social media with her girlfriend and my mum made a fake account, found them and outted her to her whole family which caused that side of her fam to ostracise her. Her dad (mums partner) included. That terrified me. What if that had of been me? I feel like she WOULD do that to me. Why is she all of a sudden being weird to me and saying she supports LGBT. She didn't directly ask me "are you gay" but the way she was looking at me it was like she knew something and the random out of character things she was saying... It was like she wanted me to say something... What do I do?
If anyone reads this I would really appreciate some advice.. Thank you..
submitted by iwannaglowup to actuallesbians [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 10:58 Pawpothole Dear Mom and Dad

When I came out at 17 years old you told me I am too young to make that decision. When I told I am on dating apps, you were shocked. Why do I, a 22 year old man, still need to prove to you that I'm gay? I swear you are the only people in this world that needs proof their son is gay AFTER he comes out fo the closet. Why do you want to tell me that you need to have a serious talk with me, but only after my exams, which btw just adds more stress? I thought you were ok with my sexuality after all these years. But now knowing that you didn't believe me (let's be honest, nothing new) for all these years, shatters my heart into a thousand pieces. One of your arguments is that I never had a boyfriend before. Thank you for opening those wounds. Now I know for sure I am not loved.
your son.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your love and support. I really appreciate it ❤️
submitted by Pawpothole to gaybros [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 23:04 snarky24 [TOMT][MOVIE][2010s] Independent film about two gay dads fighting for their rights

Release date: 2012-2015; independent film shown in independent/art cinemas
This was a drama film about two gay men, one who has a biological child ~5 years old whose mother died when he was a baby, and his partner, who has been the child's second parent his whole life. Bio dad is white, cowboy-type (wears a lot of flannel) and his partner is (if I'm remembering correctly) an Asian-American man and I *think* also the director of the film.
Plot: Something happens to bio dad and second dad has to fight for his parental rights.
It's a really sad, lovely movie and I'd like to watch it again. TIA!
submitted by snarky24 to tipofmytongue [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 22:22 DavidHelicopter Why are a lot of men attracted to women that are much older than themselves but women are almost never attracted to men that much younger than themselves? Why do women attract something they are not attracted to? Why are men attracted to something the cannot attract?

Edit: At least tell me the reason why you are downvoting my post
It's unfair.
A lot of men are interested in women that are much older than themselves but (almost) all Women don't have any feelings for men that are much younger than themselves.
How many times have you seen a 26 year old man dating a 20 year old woman? How many times have you seen a 26 year old woman dating a 20 year old man?
How many times have you seen a 35 year old man marrying a 25 year old woman? How many times have you seen a 35 year old woman marrying a 25 year old man?
Let me tell you why: It's not because there are no men that are interested in older women, It's because there are no women that are interested in a younger men! Who the fuck doesn't want to be with a hot 30/40 year old woman?
The reason why a lot of us don't pursue older women is because we already know what's the result: They are going to laugh at us and call us a child.
Millions of women are with men much older than themselves. But couples where the woman is older are so fucking rare. It means something. It means "Almost all women are under no circumstances, interested in men that are much younger than themselves" and there is nothing I can do about it!
Yes, I know cougars exist. Yes, I know there are women who have no problem with younger men, but they are so rare. And they probably see us as temporary sex objects, not partners.
Disclaimer: I'm not an Incel. I never blame people for the things they can not change. You can not push a heterosexual person to be gay and vice versa.
submitted by DavidHelicopter to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 21:00 ps_kshitij I am introvert, socially anxious guy with mental health issues. How do I nake myself visible when it comes to dating?

I am 24 years old and I am introvert, socially anxious guy with mental health issues, primarily anxiety. I have always been single not because I didn't want to date but because the guys I was interested in weren't interested in me. I can be really awkward and distant at times and be extremely clingy and talkative the next. All of my friends tell me that I am genuine, nice, funny, and warm and I know that I care about the people I like and I love. But when it comes to finding men, I just get confused as to what it is that I am doing wrong. I don't like going to parties or clubs or anything like that. But I do love going out for shopping or a hike or a trip. How about other introvert gay guys, how do you date? Any tips.
submitted by ps_kshitij to AskGayMen [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 20:50 jo_christina Coming Out Story: 9 years of Repression

This is more of the full story of coming to terms with being gay rather than coming out and is VERY long. I just wanted to get it all written out.
My story starts at about 9/10 years old. I was in year 5 or 6 (4th/5th grade) and the other kids had all started to get crushes, whether it was on other kids in the class or Disney Channel characters and I just wasn't getting it. I figured that they were all lying to sound grown up and so I just went along with it and chose boys to have crushes on that were attractive but not too attractive so it didn't seem sus 😂 But at this point I started becoming a big fan of Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato (specifically LaLa Land by Demi and Tell Me Something I Dont Know by Selena were videos I'd watch on repeat) and I used to buy the Girl Talk comic books if they had one of them on the cover and always skipped over the boy band bits.
Well, one day I was in the back of my dads car and just couldn't stop looking at the photo of selena gomez on the front cover and I was getting that sort of fluttery, nervous crushy feeling and something just clicked in my brain that maybe I was only ever going to like the girl characters and was never going to like boys. I'd recently found out my Auntie was gay and that her girlfriends were girlfriends and not friends that lived with her... and shared a bed. And the reason I know I fully comprehended what my feelings meant and that I thought I liked girls was that I knew I supported and loved my Auntie no matter what and that's why I felt SO guilty about HATING this idea of liking girls. And I mean hated it, I didnt want it at all. I was already getting bullied and trying my absolute hardest to fit in and this was the last thing I needed and I was meant to grow up and find my prince charming so I could live happily ever after. And so I decided to block out those thoughts. I consciously made the decision to force all thoughts about how great girls were out of my head and forced myself to think those things about boys and look at the boy bands and tell myself how cute they were.
I suppressed that whole epiphany so well that I completely forgot about it until about a year ago. My child brain was so distressed it repressed the memory as far as it could. So for the next 3-4 years I just waited to catch up with the others and get a crush on a boy and lied whenever I was asked. I forgot I thought I liked girls and didnt realise any of my crushes were crushes I thought I just wanted to BE these girls I got nervous around and it was absolutely destroyed my self esteem, constantly comparing myself to them and because I saw them in a way I didnt see myself I thought I was inferior and because I struggled to talk to these cool pretty girls without getting nervous I sort of fell into the role of a socially anxious nerd and still wasnt liking boys so felt like a total outcast because I just didnt fit in with the other girls, I didnt like the shows they liked or the clothes or anything.
So I became friends with a group of boys and one day we were talking about the LGBT and pride or something and I just straight up decided to be bisexual. I didnt think I was, I still thought I was straight and my repression was working well and I'd convinced myself that I'd started to have crushes on boys (when I now know it was friendship + enjoying them liking me because I was one of the first to have boobs and my "crushes" was them boosting my self esteem even if it was hella objectifying) and I'd started acting out and wearing tight clothing and letting boys touch me and say/do things I shouldn't've but I was so desperate for the normal experience of relationships and had so little self esteem it's not surprising. But yeah I cant remember exactly why, but I remember thinking the LGBT were cool and really wanting to be LGBT and being sad because I never would be, and then decided to just say I was bisexual.
As soon as I did, even though I originally thought I was lying it sort of unlocked a part of my brain and I started realising things that I'd been repressing and realising that there was a chance I might actually be bisexual. And then I got asked by a friend, if I could date any boy who would it be - and I couldn't think of an answer honestly and just plucked out a boys name like I always did. He then asked me if I could date any girl who it would be, and I rattled of a list of at least half a dozen. And just liked that, my eyes widened as I realised I really probably was "bisexual" (its gonna take another 4 years to figure out I'm gay even after this ffs).
At a similar time I got my first real massive crush, like big time. Even 5 years later at 19 I still consider these some of the strongest feelings I've had for anyone and she was bi and we would fool around sometimes when we were drunk and sometimes when we weren't, but not just her, me and a couple my friends would find any excuse to kiss/fool around. We were all bi and there was a weird love rectangle going on but it was what it was. Stupid thing was I was still trying to date boys at the same time but as I said this one girl had me head over heels and I couldn't ignore that side of my sexuality anymore. But once things with her went bad (whole other story) I started focusing on boys again. It's like the bisexual label meant I didnt have to ignore feelings for girls or give up on my normal future with a man. So I continued to fight with myself over if I was bi/straight/gay but kept telling myself if I was gay or straight surely I'd know so I must be bi.
At 17 I had my first real experience with a dude blind drunk in a field on new years eve and without going into details I couldn't go all the way, but what I did do gave me validation enough to rule out being gay and in was SO proud of myself for proving myself because It wasn't AWFUL.
Now at 18 I started clubbing and would get off with guys in clubs, like we'd make out and shit but whenever one tried to get me to go home with them/go to a hotel I'd freeze up and get myself out of the situation. This was only months after the new years situation and I thought I could go the whole way. I thought it was insecurities about my body/past trauma that was stopping me and if I just forced myself once I'd be "cured". I almost did once but the guy changed his mind last minute and thank god he did.
But one day a guy grabbed me on the dance floor and mumbled something and I just said "yeah sure" and he kissed me, and me being to scared/embarrassed to do anything else I just kissed him back, in front of a huge group of my friends who were all sort of cheering and laughing (he wasnt a looker) and one of my best friends tried to pull me off him but a guy friend pulled her off me so this lad could "have his fun". I then tried to confide in another guy friend afterwards how humiliated and vulnerable I felt that I couldn't pull away or say no and this dude I was confiding in then tried to kiss me too!!! At this point I'd absolutely had it and one of my girl friends kissed me so this lad didnt have to be the last person I kissed 😂. So anyway this incident slapped some self respect into me and I decided I was never going to kiss another boy I didnt actually like. I'd gotten enough attention at clubs that I now sort of knew my worth and no longer needed to get with guys for self esteem and realised that taking that out of the equation I really didnt want to get off with any of these men. So I decided to turn my attention solely on girls for the first time in my life.
I found myself being hit on my guys and trying to tell them I wasnt interested because I was bi and not really interested in men... like at all, but realising how stupid that sounded "sorry I'm bi and you're a man" I just started telling people I was gay. And then one day I made the conscious decision to start using "gay" as my label to test it out and see if it felt bettemore fitting than bi. And just like when I started using the bi label all those years ago, my brain sort of unlocked again and all my memories started flooding in and slotting into place and ever day or so a new memory would hit me and I'd be like "oh my god that would make SO much more sense if I was gay" and "how did I not notice".
That's when I looked back on being asked what girls/boys I'd date and was amazed I didnt realise then. I finally processed everything and suddenly the memory of Selena Gomez on the cover of Girl Talk magazine came back to me as vivid as you can imagine. A memory that had been repressed for half my life of realising I was and deciding not to be, a decision with enough determination behind it that it it stayed hidden and succeeded in changing the entire course of my teen years in an attempt to be who my scared 9 year old self wanted me to be.
I'm now very comfortable with saying I'm a lesbian and I've never been more sure in my life and I've started actually dating and raealising what it should've felt like the whole time. I now think there's a chance I'm also on the ace spectrum somewhere (probably demi if anything) but I care about that label a lot less because it personally it feels much less significant to my identity.
If you actually read this. Thank You. If you just scrolled to see how long it is and whether to bother. I'm sorry.
submitted by jo_christina to comingout [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 20:46 Spidergay_ I’m a virgin and I feel weird about it when comparing with other gays.

I’m 18 years old and I’m still a virgin.
I have done sexual stuff like blowjobs but only twice.
Literally every gay I know, whether irl or on tiktok or idk has lost their virginity a long time ago. They regularly hook up (often thanks to Grindr) and even go on dates. And I don’t do anything like this (but I want to).
I’m actually scared of having sex even tho I want to. My biggest fear is not being clean (in the ass lol) and I know there are ways to deal with that but I kind of have a special stomach and I’m generally an anxious person so..
I feel so... weird/left out of the gay community because it feels like I’ve had such a different experience with sex then they did/do.
This honestly is a big touchy subject for me and I have often cried about it (yes, I’m sensitive...).
I’m just tired of seeing gays hook up all the time and I don’t get anything. I’m tired of being scared and I’m tired of not relating to them.
And I know that everyone takes their own time and it’s different for everyone but for f*ck’s sake, I want to live like the other gays. I’m tired of having 0 contact with boys, whether it’s sex, flirting or dating.
submitted by Spidergay_ to askgaybros [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 19:26 purpleblowerthroat My ex convinced everyone in her personal life that I was crazy

I made a post yesterday describing the dynamic of my previous relationship if anyone wants to read so I don’t have to type it all out again.
Basically, my ex and I broke up after she tried to ghost me. We had been dating for half a year and i thought that was a very shitty way to break up with someone so I finally reached out and asked her if something was wrong.
She broke up with me and told me that this time of the year was really bad for her and that she still wanted to be together but needed space and I told her I understood and backed off.
One thing I immediately noticed was her going out more, posting on social media more, flirting with people openly more. I was confused because this was supposed to be a time for “space” but according to her nothing had changed.
I started going back to therapy almost immediately because I felt myself getting pretty low and not long after was diagnosed with BPD. I felt like everything was starting to make sense and I wanted to share the news with the person I loved.
I told her and she told me she would look into it but was standoffish so I backed off finally. But then she texted me... Told me she had looked into it and was sorry that I was going through that and she would be here for me. That was one of the last times I heard from her.
I hit her up maybe once or twice a month for months to no reply. I genuinely felt like I was losing my mind because nothing made sense.
I reconnected with an old friend a few months later and they told me all about how my ex was telling people that I forced her to be gay, I tried to force her to stop hiding me from her friends and family (I did ask but never forced), etc. It was almost like she had read the BPD handbook and was just taking notes from.
Having BPD made me immediately think all of it was true. I never remember being forceful, never remember making her uncomfortable but I realized it could’ve been true and got really sad.
It genuinely wasn’t until I really sat down and realized I was dating a serial liar and cheater that I realized that yes, I have BPD. And yes, I have negative traits and some red flags, but I am typically very aware of that. I was my softest and sweetest with her even when I was upset. I applaud myself on my patience looking back.
But, because I really lost myself, because i hit her up to ask what was happening so much, because i was angry on social media while she remained incredibly calm, I am the one who got throw the crazy card.
I guess what I’m trying to say is... be careful. I know it’s possible that people with BPD can be abusers and I know that I have had abusive behavior but in this relationship I was the victim and it did nothing for me after she used the BPD card.
once again, i don’t think i was innocent in our relationship but i know i wasn’t abusive or manipulative
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2020.11.25 17:07 willowdawn93 How did I ever think I was straight?!?

I'm 27 years old, I never really dated anyone before I started seeing my girlfriend (mtf) of 2 years. I just wasn't attracted to men and assumed that I just needed a certain kind of chemistry with someone to be attracted to them. As my girlfriend gets more and more feminine, the more attracted I am to her, and it made me look back and analyze everything in my life. It hit me recently that just because I'm not attracted to men, doesn't mean I'm not attracted to women.. it took me far to long to discover this, but now that my eyes are open, wow I'm 100% gay 🤣
submitted by willowdawn93 to actuallesbians [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 17:05 ihatethisdamndog Looking for advice parenting a (possibly) confused LGBTQ teen.

My spouse (41M) and I (40F) have 3 kids. Our oldest (16) came out as gay when they were 13 (born sex male). They have struggled with depression since then due to some major family changes.
My spouse rejoined the workforce after being a (mostly) stay-at-home dad for 13 years. The new job sometimes required him to be away for weeks or months at a time. It was a huge adjustment for all of us. My then 14 year old got it in his head that he needed to be the "man of the house" and their inability to be an adult fueled the depression. Thankfully, I have health insurance and got them in to a counselor right away. They learned some excellent coping techniques, dad came home, and all was well for a while.
My teen has told me that their sexual orientation has changed from gay, to bi, to pan, to omni, and poly. They have dated boys, girls, and gender fluid persons. (The gender fluid person was my favorite of his partners- I was bummed that one didn't last longer.)
I started noticing things moved in my dresser and closet. Turns out, my now 14 year old was sneaking into my room to take my underwear, bras, and dresses (and I don't have many dresses.) We talked, I explained that it was a huge invasion of my privacy to take my clothes, especially my underwear and bras. They said they were a cross-dresser. I asked if they thought they were transgender, they said, "yes." Around the same time, they had rubbed an eraser into their arm enough to cause a burn that still has a visible scar 2 years later.
I got them into a therapist that specializes in LGBTQ+ teens. They were successful with the therapy for the depression, and graduated out! The therapist at that time did not see indications that they were transgender.
About a month ago, corona got the better of them and they started seeing the therapist again. I have a parental consult next week where I can hopefully get some info without violating their privacy and breaking their trust with the therapist. According to my teen, the therapist has recommended anti-depressants for the short term. I am not against medication for mental health issues. I see it as no different than my medication for my physical health issues. Take it when you need it.
My question lies here. My teen told me that they wanted to ask about hormone blockers. I gently told them that I would consider it if the request came from the therapist, not from them. I told my teen that honestly, I don't think that they're transgender. I think they may be gender fluid, or a boy that likes to wear women's clothing, but that is different from being transgender. I read an article a few months ago from a group of teen therapists that noted a current concern with teens needing to fit in by being different, because then they had a group to belong to (I hope that makes sense.)
I want to be supportive. I also am concerned about still-developing brain chemistry. They are 16, puberty has already happened. Am I doing the right things for my teen?
submitted by ihatethisdamndog to Parenting [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 16:35 RevolutionaryMind133 My Story (This has gone too far HOCD)

Hope you guys are doing well and fighting this off, unfortunately for me it has gotten to the point where I’m numb, no anxiety, just depressed with the constant little voice in my head telling me I’m gay and shit. But here’s a background with the history of HOCD in my life over the last 3 years.
So as a kid, I was introduced to porn at a very young age, say 9 or 10 years old. It was straight porn and at first, I got rock hard looking at it. It just looked so fun to do (I’m a Male Btw) but I really didn’t know what sex was back then. As long as I can remember, I always crushed on girls at school. Imagined holding hands with them, kissing them, and etc. But during my time in middle school, I was also watching gay porn and straight porn at the same time, but I never jacked off to gay porn only to straight porn. I did have one gay fantasy, but everytime I finished I would feel guilty and disgusted about it, My mind would flush back to girls like nothing. By 8th grade, I quit gay porn because I knew I felt disgusted by watching it, so I ruled it out and I knew who I was. Through my first two years of high school, I was crushing on tons of girls, like a simple hug by them would give me the best feeling in the world. But sophomore year hit me, and I had a random gay thought pop up in my head and boom, the question that haunted me for the rest of the school year “Am I Bisexual?” I panicked so hard that night, I was freaking the hell out. School Was a constant dread for me, I wouldn’t want to go to school because of all the guy friends I had. I definitely had strong avoidance when it came to school and including my job.
I can say this all occurred until the summertime, when I was finally able to be away from school. Then boom, I was feeling like myself again. I didn’t even know what I did to make this shit go away, but all I remember is I got a gf during the summertime and I was happy again, but that stupid question was still lingering in my mind.
Now fast forward to my junior and senior year, I can definitely say my HOCD was on and off, some days will be good, some were awful. But I was definitely attracted to girls during this sequence. My senior year I had a big crush on a coworker I worked with. (She was the most caring and beautiful girl I have ever met) Eventually things were going pretty well with her, until her parent wouldn’t let her date me because of religious reasons. I was definitely sad but I truly understand her beliefs.
But now, HOCD is stronger than ever for me. I was still watching porn, but I recently decided to watch tranny porn. At first when I was tolerating my HOCD, I felt like myself, but after watching tranny porn the question in my head popped up “Am I Gay for liking transgender woman?” Then it escalated to “am I gay in general?” I’m telling you this past month I was freaking the fuck out, anxiety was there, and panic attacks were occurring. I had a whole month of that, but now it’s gotten to the point where I have no anxiety towards these terrible thoughts, constantly checking forums on the internet, and trying to reassure myself. I need serious help, I know I’m not gay, but these thoughts are trying to make flip slides, and I’m never gonna do that. I’m starting therapy Monday, and I have stopped porn for a full week now, and masturbation. These demonic disorder needs to fuck off.
submitted by RevolutionaryMind133 to HOCD [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 12:51 DavidHelicopter Why are men attracted to women older than themselves but women aren't attracted to men younger than themselves? Why do women attract something they are not attracted to? Why are men attracted to something the cannot attract?

It's unfair.
A lot of men are interested in women that are older than themselves but (almost) all Women don't have any feelings for men that are younger than themselves.
How many times have you seen a 26 year old man dating a 20 year old woman? How many times have you seen a 26 year old woman dating a 20 year old man?
How many times have you seen a 35 year old man marrying a 25 year old woman? How many times have you seen a 35 year old woman marrying a 25 year old man?
Let me tell you why: It's not because there are no men that are interested in older women, It's because there are no women that are interested in a younger men! Who the fuck doesn't want to be with a hot 30/40 year old woman?
The reason why a lot of us don't pursue older women is because we already know what's the result: They are going to laugh at us and call us a child.
When a 20 year old women should be careful to not to get raped by older men, a 20 year old man can only wish for a 27+ year old woman to even look at him. Because women at that age want stability, maturity, wisdom, experience blah blah blah
Yes, I know cougars exist. I know there are women who have no problem with younger men, but they are so rare. And they probably only see us as temporary sex objects, not partners.
If you ask me for evidence, here are some examples:
Post 1
Post 2
Post 3
Post 4
Post 5
Post 6
Disclaimer: I'm not an Incel. I never blame people for the things they can not change. You can not push a heterosexual person to be gay and vice versa.
submitted by DavidHelicopter to whatsbotheringyou [link] [comments]